When my anxiety strikes…

When I get lost in anxiety, nothing makes sense. Everything that happens is the worst possible thing that could happen. People could be doing things that are completely fine normally, but if I am not doing well at that specific moment, I will take in the wrong way. Some days, I stay in that situation, even when my anxiety is high. I sit and I take it. I absorb all the hurt I feel and all the comments and actions I am reading the wrong way. I take it to my core. I start to shake. Finally, the need to flee comes. I get up abruptly and remove myself from the situation. I disappear. I go for a walk. I sulk in a corner. Anything to remove myself from what was causing me to have anxiety. When this happens, I take it out on people close to me. During this state, I need someone or something to blame. Taking it out on someone close to me is easier than blaming myself while i’m in it. It will usually take me ten to twenty minutes to get out of this state. When I  finally do, the whole affair seems like a dream. I no longer understand why I was so upset. I no longer understand why I acted the way I acted. It’s a mess. Even though during the event, a part of me knows I’m being illogical and ruining what I am doing in that moment. After, I hate myself. I feel embarrassed and awful. It’s a tough situation to try to get a hold on. Especially, in the moment. It’s a process that I’m learning. Hopefully soon, it will no longer affect me daily.

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One thought on “When my anxiety strikes…

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  1. From personal experience, anxiety can be debilitating to say the least. As you know, anxiety can be born from a combination of biological, psychological and environmental factors. I am an advocate for good diet and nutrition as therapeutic medicine. It is often an oversight by many people as the norm is to take a pill to treat the symptoms. Food for thought 🙂 I sincerely wish you well and hope you are taking steps to feel better.

    Liked by 1 person

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