My Mess Today

Some days I’m just not okay. Sometimes I need to cry. Other days I don’t feel anything. I don’t know what to do sometimes on either of those days. Today was one of those days. I didn’t sleep well because my anxiety kept me up. I arrived home and slightly didn’t know what to do.... Continue Reading →

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My Therapy Journey

Going to therapy is hard. I love it, but it can be incredibly difficult. Since the summer of my junior year before high school, I have seen around seven therapists or psychologists and two psychiatrists. For some, I only saw them for a session or two, but others I went to for a little bit... Continue Reading →

Holidays

Listen loved ones, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ruining holidays. I’m sorry for fighting. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry for questioning. I’m sorry for hurting you. I am, but I know you heard this before. The words dripped from my mouth. You listen each time and nod. Then you say you heard... Continue Reading →

When I want to quit…

Today I wanted to quit. I wanted to leave it all. I became so tired of trying to be okay, giving, pushing through. I wanted to go home and crawl under a blanket. I wanted to cry. I wanted not to think. I wanted to skip over the next few months. I wanted not to... Continue Reading →

Weak days and Strong days

Some days I feel weak. Other days I feel strong. Mentally that is. On days I feel weak, I think of all the past events that still affect me in some way. I had a therapy appointment where I talked about a past “trauma.” I put quotes around the word “trauma” because I feel ridiculous... Continue Reading →

Relationships

I started dating someone new about four months ago. Yes, I met him online. He's great. The relationship is moving along. I met his family and friends. He met my family and friends. I'm comfortable. I like him a lot. I am also one foot out the door. Constantly. Last year, around this time, I... Continue Reading →

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