Some days I feel weak. Other days I feel strong. Mentally that is.
On days I feel weak, I think of all the past events that still affect me in some way. I had a therapy appointment where I talked about a past “trauma.” I put quotes around the word “trauma” because I feel ridiculous that it has affected me that much. I use judgemental language. I call myself “stupid” because this past event has changed me. People deal with much worse than I have. They are fine – so how am I this weak that I need therapy to get over it?
On days I feel weak, the smallest insignificant happening can mess up my whole day. I stay in bed or lay on my couch and do nothing. What’s the point?
On the days I feel strong, I think of all that I have overcome. How there were days that I didn’t know how I would get through them, yet here I am. I think of how the most mundane tasks make me uncomfortable, but I do them anyway. I think how I have to fight a battle in my head constantly, and I am still fighting it and haven’t given up.
I alternate a lot. The feeling of being weak and then being strong. I debate with myself. I ask others for their opinions. I discuss it often with my therapist.