This past weekend was Christmas. I swear I was looking forward to it. My brother was coming home. I would be able to spend time with him, parents, sister, and niece. I ruined it, or, I guess, my mental health ruined it. I couldn’t enjoy any of it. I left early Christmas day, skipping Christmas dinner. I snapped at my family, friends, and significant other. I felt awful. I cried all the way home for many reasons. I cried for leaving early, I cried because I was tired, I cried because I couldn’t help it. Later that night people in my family reached out to me to make sure I was okay. So did my friend and significant other.
I wanted to explain that there are people in my life who care about me even when depression and anxiety tell me they don’t. I lost people in my life due to my behavior because of my anxiety and depression. I know the effect it can have on others. The individuals who stay are my tribe. By them staying, it proves to me that I could be worth something. They make my life worth living. They make me want to keep trying to get better. There are always people in your life that make you want to continue working and fighting. Some days it is easy to forget that, but on some days it’s hard to ignore it.