Anxiety & Going to a Concert Alone

This past July I traveled to Steamboat Springs and San Francisco by myself. I stayed with family in both places but did a lot of exploring solo. One of the things I did was go to a concert by myself.

When I was planning my trip, the concert wasn’t part of the original plan. I was in Steamboat, listening to a band I love, HoneyHoney, and I saw they were having a concert in San Francisco while I would be there. I texted my cousin to ask about the venue, and she said it was a five-minute walk from her apartment. I thought it was fate, so I had to attend even though there was no one to go with me. Going to a concert by myself was way out of my comfort zone, but I was excited about it. I got to the venue, bought myself a beer and just chilled and waited for the concert to begin.

Even though I ended up loving it, I felt awkward at first. It was hard to see groups of friends or couples come in while I was just sitting there solo, but I eventually got into it. I had slight anxiety about being a concert by myself. I felt vulnerable, lame, and stupid all at the same time. When I went to the concert and left the concert, I kept apologizing. I talked to someone for five minutes, and they told me I need to stop apologizing so much. I wanted to hide. Eventually, I stopped caring. I wanted to enjoy myself. I will never see this people again and I started to let go.

When HoneyHoney started playing after the opening act, I moved closer to the front. I was standing next to this guy who was also there by himself.

13680051_10153662821352116_438646113352935938_oHe asked if I was also here solo, and I told him yes. We chatted for a second then started concentrating on HoneyHoney. When he asked if I could watch his spot when he went to the bathroom, and he would buy me a beer, I said yes. As soon as he left, I thought “damn it.” He could have roofied it. This wasn’t smart.

He came back and gave me the beer and I said thank you. I was SO nervous. So I had to ask. I couldn’t drink the beer otherwise. So I asked him if he roofied my drink. He told me no and said he could take a sip if I wanted. I said it was okay. I drank half of it. I then went to the bathroom and threw the beer out. This might have been anxiety and overthinking, or it could have been smart. It could have been thinking the world is awful or it could just be self-defense. Sometimes anxiety is good. Sometimes I wish I could just let loose. Sometimes I wonder if that guy tells the story to others. How some random girl straight out asked him if he roofied her drink.

When I went in the concert and left the concert, I kept apologizing. I talked to someone for five minutes, and they told me I need to stop apologizing so much. I wanted to hide. i

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