Days like this are hard. I see a lot of passion on my social media accounts. Some people are angry. Others are scared. Some are happy and hopeful. Others are distraught. I see all these posts, and I understand.
I can understand why people are scared, angry, and distraught. I am right there with them. Then I see ones who are happy and hopeful, and they believe that the future will be bright. Arguing and confrontation and disagreement and speaking your truth are important. It’s so important to see, but it is also triggering for me. I often take a step back when it comes to politics especially on social media. The next couple days, a lot of stuff will be happening.
I have friends going to the marches in DC, CT, Boston, etc. I think that is GREAT. I do. I admire them. I wish I could do something like that, but I cannot. Some of my friends or peers might see this in different ways. Some will think I’m weak or a coward. Others will say that I am giving in. Some people will think thank goodness because the protests are ridiculous. Here’s the thing, I’m not going because I’m scared people in my life will disagree with me. I’m not going because I’m scared and I don’t think it will be good for me.
You see, I just had a long dark month. My anxiety and depression were high, and it put pressure and strain on a lot of pieces of my life. I am finally in an okay place. I can finally breathe this week. I can feel the darkness lifting. I’m feeling GOOD. I’m feeling LIGHT. I’m feeling FREE. I know not everyone will understand how monumentally huge this is for me. If I put myself in the crossfire, I’m scared the darkness come back.
When I first feel relief from depression and anxiety, I do feel lighter but, I also have a fear that is going to come back. In these moments I have to take care of myself. I have to think of myself first so in the future I CAN do something. I am no help to this now because it might cause me to break again. Again, I KNOW there will be people who don’t understand this, and that’s fine. But please know that I am trying. I want to get better. I want to participate.
I think that maybe I’m not the only one feeling like this. Feeling guilty, lost, and confused because of the things you can’t do for the side you believe in. Here are five friendly reminders to know when you feel like this:
1. It’s okay to take care of yourself first.
2. It’s okay not to know what to do.
3. Doing your best is all you can do.
4. It’s okay to remove yourself from situations that could be triggering for you.
It’s okay to do what you think is best at this moment.
Sending all the love and best wishes.