Dear Loved Ones,
Trust me, I know I’m difficult. I’m hard to please. I jump to conclusions. I think I can mind read and predict the future, and it’s usually an awful future at that. I know these habits can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I see what I have to do to change, but it isn’t that easy. I promise you I’m doing my best. I know that’s hard to see sometimes. That maybe, how I am right now, will be how I always am. Trust me when I tell you that is not what I want or strive for. I am much more than how I am currently. Loved ones, if you put your trust in me, I promise you will not regret it. It’s so hard to believe in that and have faith in that, which I understand. I can see how my behaviors stress you and how I could be considered toxic. I lash, I hide, I run, and I give up.
I struggle with my self-worth often. But this is something I believe in, that I am going to be worth it. Give me time, and I promise you I will be amazing. What anxiety and depression along with insecurity have been doing to me, is not who I am. I know a piece of me still holds deeply onto it because I’m scared. So flipping scared. I’m scared of everything, but that isn’t me. I’m trying my hardest to get better, and some days it is a struggle for me, as well as you. Please know I recognize that. Sometimes I’m hard to handle, and you may want to leave or give up. If you do, I won’t blame you, and I will not beg you to stay. I refuse. Please see my worth even when I don’t. Please look past things that may cause you pain, because I promise, with all my heart, that I refuse to stay as who I am today. If you do not give up, I promise it will be worth it.