I long for safety and the guarantees. In relationships, there is no way to have any of these. There is always a chance of falling for someone else. For people to let go and move on. An opportunity to get hurt and break down. There is also a chance for beauty and happiness.
It becomes a tough situation. Wanting to trust but being scared to get hurt and letting go. Having faith and trust is often a choice, and that choice is difficult. It takes a risk. It takes willingness and courage. It requires you to be vulnerable and to trust the process of life. It’s about believing you are enough and worthy of someone choosing you and staying.
This is one of the most difficult things I have been trying to tackle lately. I’m scared of a lot, with being hurt at the top of the list. Feeling safe and not being scared will calm my anxiety. To feel safe, however, I would need to hide away in my room. I would never be allowed to date or put myself out there. Staying safe can no longer be an option. Being scared is okay and understandable, but I can no longer have that influence my decisions.
Just writing this gives me hesitance. My mind is always saying “no, protect yourself.” Listening to that voice, only causes damage. It causes questioning and holding back. It only hurts me. I recognize this, but it’s still hard to let go.
So here is a vow to trust. To trust others. To trust me. To trust in the process of life.