The Torture of Falling Asleep

When it’s the end of the day and your eyes are lagging, moving to bed is the next logical step. Sometimes that step is the hardest. Picking yourself up the couch, brushing your teeth, and walking step by step to your bed. The energy it takes to do that can be unfathomable. Some nights I don’t know if I’m able to, while other nights it is a simple movement. A logical step.

image1-10Your bed can be where safety lies and the possibility of dreams take over. Usually, for me, this isn’t the case. It is usually when all my thoughts come rushing to me because I finally have time to think. I no longer have the distractions (sometimes forced) of my everyday life. When I lay down, I try to let everything go, or, more realistically, push it away, which only has the opposite effect. I’m sadistic in this way- torturing myself with my own thoughts. Only when I’m exhausted, I can fall asleep easily. Laying in the bed and disappearing. Hiding under the covers and closing out the day.

Falling asleep can be tortuous, but it can often lead to safety. The safety of sleep. When you are nothing, but your dreams. When most of the time, you leave your emotions of the day away. If it’s a pleasant dream, it gives you a break from your daily struggle. If it’s a nightmare, you can wake up and know it’s not real. Dream or nightmare, sleep can offer you a reprieve. Falling asleep – or sometimes staying asleep- can be the hardest part.

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