Mostly, I Wish Things Were Easy

Some days I wish things were simple.
I wish decisions were black and white and you always know the right one to choose.
I wish that I couldn’t see the perspective of others, so I could feel okay with what I was feeling.
I wish I didn’t have feelings so other’s actions wouldn’t affect me as much.
I wish I were happy with everything I am instead of focusing on what I’m not.
I wish I could make everyone happy, but I also wish I wasn’t such a people pleaser.
I wish it were either for me to breathe and not feel suffocated all the time.
I wish I were one of those “cool” ones – the ones that are okay with whatever happens to them.

Mostly, I wish things were easy.
I wish I could make everything work. I could meet all the expectations. Do all the things I’m supposed to do. Say the right things. Carry out the right moves. I would know what to do before the time came. I would be able to calm myself instead of acting on irrational thoughts. Instead, I try too hard to make others comfortable, while compromising my happiness. I cry when I get hurt instead of holding it back. I make others uneasy with how much I talk about my emotions and mental health.

We’re adults now. Welcome to the “real” world they say. People are busy. They make priorities. They make decisions based on those priorities. I just wish I could make everything work and make it easier for everyone, maybe even for me.

2 thoughts on “Mostly, I Wish Things Were Easy”

  1. Adulting is hard. 😦 I’m barely doing anything at 27 yrs old. In many ways I still feel like I need to grow up. I too wish things were black and white and that I could just make the “right” choices that my family and everyone else (including myself) wish I could handle.

    Liked by 1 person

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