Certain topics or triggers strike me to my core. My insecurities that pop up throughout my daily life. I hate when these insecurities take control. It mostly happens at the most inconvenient times. It happens after a great weekend. Days of happiness and contentedness. Then it feels as if things are going to good – which means It is wrong. I look at all the proof of this throughout my life. Moments that I’m not worth much.
I start wondering what people could see in me. The person who I’m not even a fan of, unfollows me on Instagram with no rhyme or reason. In my head the countless reasons for why this person did this. What did I do to offend this person badly enough? I’m a part of their life. They are friends of friends. I get stuck in this spiral – trying to be empathetic- but all it does is cause issues in my life. It’s me wasting my time and energy on this. It causes strain on my current relationship when stuff related to this creeps up. It’s not worth it to a point. It doesn’t stop the sting or the negative thoughts. I can’t necessarily stop them. It sucks. I wish I had a more eloquent way to explain it. The only thing I can do is stop wasting my energy on this person*.
Even though this person might be a part of my life, they aren’t a huge part, and they aren’t an important part. By me giving my energy to this person- it is feeding into their negative energy. I’m going to chose to let those people go. All the ones that seep in now and then with negative two cents in my life. The ones that do things on purpose to be manipulative. The ones who don’t have my best interest in mind. I acknowledge them but I try not to hold onto it for too long.
I think I’m a likable person. I don’t know what I did to this person, but there’s nothing I can do to change it. I’m going to keep doing my thing and be the person I would be proud of being. It helps when the people around me support me in this. Understanding and following through. I need to stay true to myself without letting anyone take control of me.
*I wanted to note the irony of me not wanting to spend energy on people who only bring negativity and anxiety to my life, but I wanted to write this to share with others.