I was asked recently to write down everything I am beside my anxiety and depression. It was for us to focus on the good things. Moving beyond that one piece (mental illness) of our identity. I had a hard time doing this. Below is what I ended up coming up with: I am loud. I am funny. I am a mess. I am worthy. I am vulnerable. I am courageous. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am an aunt. I am a friend. I am caring. I am strong. Honestly, this isn’t that great of a list. These were either what other people told me I was, how I should be or just facts (sister, daughter, etc.). I am afraid of no one staying. I am afraid of crumbling. I am afraid of being stuck. I am afraid of being alone. I am afraid of being hidden. I am afraid of never trying. I am afraid of never being enough. Honestly, the list can go on. I know all my fears. I know everything I’m not and probably will never be. I know the things that other people are, and sometimes I can see what they aren’t and what they need. I just can’t really do that for myself. Ask me what I am I will tell you the negative qualities. I see those all too well.
My point is that it can be effortless to see the negative. To see everything you may not be. Everything you are lacking. All the things you should be or that you wish you were. Getting caught up in all the shit of everyday life. The shit of other people’s lives. I mean, I get it, it’s life. But remember that it’s also your life. People always say to remember how incredible you are. Know how worthy you are and how special you are. You know they tell that to everyone, right? I mean, that’s the first thought to go through my head. I mean if everyone is so wonderful, special, and worthy – I can’t be that good right? I get how twisted that must seem.
I try to remember that there is enough space for everyone to be worthy and live their authentic truest selves. I have been starting to realize that just because you can recognize a person’s worthiness, as you should, doesn’t mean you have to like them either. Everyone has good traits and bad traits. Everyone has things they are scared of and things they excel at. Sometimes, you are going to wish you could excel at things that others can so easily do, and that’s going to be hard. In those moments when it seems hopeless because you will never be as good as that person, take a step back. Know that you are a beautiful, wonderful human, but you are exactly that, a human. Rest easy and move forward. Acknowledge and accept everything you are and never let that go.