I Deserve Peace and Happiness

The other day, my friend told me that we weren’t supposed to feel like this. You see, we are both currently struggling with anxiety and depression. We are both waiting for night to come to sleep. She said “we weren’t supposed to be suffering. We weren’t supposed to be unhappy for no reason. We deserve happiness.” This struck me more than she probably realized, because of part of me didn’t believe that for a very long time. Anxiety and depression became so intertwined with my identity. It’s what people know me as. I thought I was always supposed to be unhappy. I told others that I was still trying to improve more, and I think part of me really believed it. Looking back now, I think it wasn’t the whole truth. A part of me believed that I’m supposed to be that daughter who struggles with mental health. I’m supposed to be the friend that is anxious all the time. I’m supposed to be that girlfriend who is insecure and seeks reassurance. Part of the reason behind those identities is probably my anxiety and depression. It’s not okay though. I hate it.

I wish I could turn back time and figure it out sooner. Maybe then I would still have people around me that left. Maybe then I would be a bit further in life. I don’t deserve to have anxiety and depression. I don’t deserve to be unhappy. I don’t deserve creating issues in relationships when there is no reason for them to rocky. I don’t deserve living in drama. I want peace. I want happiness. How I wished I realized this sooner. Trying really hard to move forward. Trying really hard to let go. Trying really hard to breathe.

But I can do it. I know I can. Because I deserve this. I freaking deserve it. I can be the girl that I thought I could be. I can be that friend that people deserve. I can be that girlfriend that he deserves. I can do it. Because I owe it to myself. I just hope I have the chance to prove it.

This was good to shock me. To shock me into realizing that the way I was living wasn’t okay. Now I need you to give me a chance to prove it. Because I can. Because I’m freaking worth it.

5 thoughts on “I Deserve Peace and Happiness”

  1. Good for you! and don’t beat yourself up for “not realizing sooner.” I know many people twice your age and older who are waking up, discovering, and learning more about self love, self care, and personal healing. I wish you the best in your journey to uncover peaceful, confident, and joyful aspects of your identity so you don’t have be locked-into the roles associated with anxiety and depression.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I really enjoyed this post. It’s crazy how we can truly begin to believe the lie that we deserve to be unhappy and that it will always define us. Thanks for sharing, and yes you do deserve to be genuinely happy.

    Liked by 1 person

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