Should Be There

I’m here. But I should be there I should have gotten better sooner 

I should have figured it out sooner 

I should have been present 

I should have been there 

Instead I’m filled with regret 

With the coulds and the shoulds

The what I would be doing now 

It shouldn’t have taken that shock 

I shouldn’t have to be so desperate 

For you to see 

For you to hear

I shouldn’t have to break again 

To build myself back up 

But I’m here now

Doing the act of pretending to be okay 

Of doing the best that I can to take care 

To care for myself. To find myself 

To be okay with where I am 

It’s a process but I can do it

I deserve happiness and peace you know

Just wish you there to see it