I’m Lost. I’m Scared. And it’s Okay.

I have a confession: I am lost. I’m not sure how I am supposed to feel about anything. I am not sure how I should tackle anything. Sometimes I feel like I am just making everything up as I go along. The twenties are supposed to be a decade of being lost, confused, and filled with self-discovery. I am in the midst of trying to discover what I want out of my life, including, my career, relationships, personal life, interests and just who to be as a person. I wish I could appreciate this whole being lost thing more, but instead, it just makes me anxious. How do you know when you know? How do you know what to do? Am I doing this right? Am I supposed to be doing this? Am I supposed to want that? It’s chaotic.

I don’t even know how to write this article. My mind is buzzing. I’m scared of being stuck. I’m scared that the life I am currently living, will be the life I will always be living. I am scared that I will not progress. In reality, I know that I can’t be true. I strive to move forward, succeed, and do my best every day, but what if that’s not enough?

I’m scared that I’m never going to know who I really am. Yeah, I think I’m myself currently, but what if I’m missing something? What if I am supposed to be doing more? What if I base my interests on other people? What if I never push myself so I can never know who I truly am or what I am truly capable of? Again, not logical. I know that I have been pushing myself outside my comfort zone so much lately. It’s exciting. I’m doing things, which I love, that I never thought I would do. Still, what if I am wrong? How do I know?

I’m scared of failing. I’m scared of having my loved ones be disappointed me. I’m scared I have untapped potential that I don’t know what to do with. I’m scared that I’m so scared of failing that I will never actually succeed. I’m scared of looking like an idiot trying something. I’m scared that I am never going to be good enough to succeed. Here’s the thing though, I always seem to exceed my expectations of myself.

These are just a few things that haunt my mind currently. They may not make a lot of sense to you. I can usually move past these thoughts. Address them, rationalize them, and let them go. But currently, it can be hard. I’m lost. I’m at a crossroads, and I don’t know the right move. That has to be okay. Being lost and scared has to be okay. If I was feeling unsatisfied in my life – that should worry me more. But the thing I hold on to when I feel like I’m about to go under is that fact that despite being scared, I’m satisfied. If I wasn’t scared – would that mean I’m not pushing myself enough? Until I have some full grasp and more stability in my life, I’m always going to be a little off-balanced. I’ll be making steps and not sure if I’m going to fall on my ass or not. I might be scared and lost, but I am going through a process that’s going to bring me places I never thought I could go.

So here’s to getting lost and being scared.

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6 thoughts on “I’m Lost. I’m Scared. And it’s Okay.

  1. Hey Sylvia! Thank you for being vulnerable about where you are at in your life right in this moment. I think that shows a lot of courage. I turn 27 next month, and I still have a lot of questions left unanswered. That is okay. You will figure it out. It is like starting this blog. I was having a conversation with one of my family members about my recovery with my traumatic brain injury, and they told me I should blog it because it could open a lot of doors. What those doors are I have no idea, and along with sharing the details of my journey is tough. We don’t always have the answers, just have to keep our eyes open and follow our hearts. You got this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was downcast through the body of your essay, then I got to the last few sentences and it was like sunshine bursting after a rainstorm! You are strong, despite all the fear and questioning. Wonderful!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am currently struggling with the same of being lost and stuck at a crossroad of uncertainty. I felt a sense of connection to this blog and thank you for putting all my scattered thoughts and anxiety to words. I came across your blog today feeling a sense of hopelessness. Now, you have given me new hope and comfort knowing I am not the only one struggling with these thoughts. Thank you for giving me the courage to keep on pushing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tori, thank you so much for your comment. It means so much. I’m glad I helped you feel less alone. Comments like this helps me keep going. Sending you positive thoughts. Finding the courage isn’t always an easy thing to do. Thank you again !

      Like

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