I’m Finally Happy

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Me in Lima, Peru in 2012 when I wasn’t feeling happy or like myself.
I used to find my happiness in others. I would scroll through websites looking for the perfect things to post. All I wanted was to get more likes on Facebook. I would try to do things so that I could take pictures of it and post them on social media. I would take pictures when I wasn’t happy or enjoying myself, just so others could believe that I was happy. I wanted to prove that my life was what I wanted when in reality I was depressed and my anxiety was flaring up. I bought piles of clothes that I didn’t want just for a momentary high. I was filling my life with material objects and superficial moments and things, but I wanted so much to be happy. Where I was in my life. Who I was with. What I was doing. It was never going to make me happy. I was not living the life I was supposed to be living. My anxiety and depression were high, and nothing felt okay.

Currently, I still have anxiety and depression, but everything feels different. I may not have a job. I may be poor. I may live at home. But I am happier now than I ever was then. I feel more like myself that I ever have before. It feels different. It feels more real than before. I never really thought I could live life like this. I may be a little bit lost, but I also feel like where I am supposed to be. I am challenging myself more than I have ever been. I know myself more than I ever have before.

I no longer post things just to get attention. I share things that mean something to me. I don’t do things just to get others to see how happy I am. I share all my flaws to everyone. I talk about my anxiety and depression. I no longer buy things unless I need them or I love them. I finally feel happy and like myself. I find my happiness in myself.

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