I have dreams, goals, and desires just like everyone else. But I never dare speak of them. You see, if I speak of them, then they won’t come true. If it becomes known that it’s something I want, then I will never get it. It becomes an awful cycle. Sometimes it may seem like I’m disinterested or not trying because that’s how I’m acting. But I act that way because there is no point in trying. Why get my hopes up just to watch them destroyed? Why waste my time working on my goals that will never come true? So instead of having the world break me, I just break myself.
People often tell me not to sell myself short. They tell me that I more capable than I realize. That I need to give myself credit. Is it okay to admit that scares me?
I see this as a being a product of my anxiety and depression. I think of these irrational rules (if I speak of it – it won’t come true) and I keep myself small. Depression tells me that I am not good enough. My anxiety worries that my goals will never come true, so protect yourself. As I mentioned before in my writing, anxiety, and depression like to keep me hidden.
I often give into anxiety and depression’s fears and irrational rules; I let them control my life. I let them decide who I am, what I do, and how far I push myself. I don’t want to live small anymore. I have things I want to accomplish so I can’t keep letting anxiety and depression scare me. When things go right, and I am happy, I should be in that instead of being scared. I should push myself and know that I am worthy, instead of hiding myself away.
I am capable. I am brave. I am talented. I can handle life and responsibilities. Anxiety and depression may whisper in my ear and tell me to stay small, but I don’t have to succumb to it. I want to challenge myself. I want to believe in myself.
So if you’re like me, let’s say goodbye to staying small and hello to making our dreams come true.