Things I Cannot Control

Today I wake up and move forward. I talk to my therapist about things I can’t control.  I talk to her about what I can control.  It gave me an excuse to get out bed.

So I will continue in this stride, with putting one foot in front of the other. Concentrating on everything that I can control.

I will put my clothes away, while hoping that you will finally put everything on the table.

I change my sheets while hoping, that maybe next time will be different.

I will put my energy into running those miles, instead of trying to get you to face your inner demons.

I understand that it could be easier to walk away and pretend that things don’t matter. But I can’t stop this feeling in my gut that is screaming at me to act.

Because always living one foot out the door is no way to live. There is no way to see how things can truly be without barring your soul to be seen. I was able to catch glimpses and truly see you for you.  You were able to see me for me.

I was able to put it all on the line for you. Hoping you finally get it. Hoping that you can come to this same conclusion.

That you will finally face down all your issues of what keeps you running away.

But I’m getting tired of fighting for this. It’s not fair to any of us.

I have to put my faith in you because I can longer carry all the burden.

My life is often clouded with anxieties and negative thoughts. They buzz in my ear and lead me to believe that I’m not worthy of much.

But once something is threatened – that in my heart I know should stay.  I grasp on and fight because I’m finally listening to my truest self. Life is full of fleeting things – never know exactly the right move, so I hold on to what I know is right. But today I will hold on a little lighter – hoping that you will come through.

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