Those Pestering Anxious and Depressive Thoughts

Those pestering anxious and depressive thoughts. You know the kind. That kind that you know are lying to you. The kind that you know is illogical. The kind you don’t want to think but come to your mind anyway. The kind that you wish would just shut up. I feel guilty for having them. I feel like a failure because they are still there.

No matter how far along I get in recovery, those little pestering thoughts still seem to linger. Some days I can push them down and ignore them. Sometimes they buzz just a little longer than I would like and they eat at me. Sometimes I mention them. Sometimes I keep them to myself. But they are constant.

It’s not a screaming thought. They don’t make me cry. They don’t make me want to hide away. They are just thoughts that maybe most people get. They are no longer high flames, just a little burning cinder. But the smoke is still there slowly choking me. It’s a slower crumble than the louder thoughts.

I am still trying to figure out how to quiet them. Sometimes it’s just getting a little reassurance from loved ones. Sometimes it’s about finding evidence about how why and how these thoughts are illogical. Sometimes it’s just bringing myself back to the present moment.

These little pestering thoughts – they may linger, but I no longer what to have them cause damage to my life. I want my relationships with people to grow and not to hurt just because of these thoughts. I want to be honest. I want to let these thoughts go. I think I can. I just need more practice. Just one more battle.

 

3 thoughts on “Those Pestering Anxious and Depressive Thoughts”

  1. I too battled with anxiety and it reached borderline suicidal thoughts. I once read an article that described it as a “wave” and explained that thinking of it as an ocean wave could help control the rush of adrenaline. This and many other things like prayer and scripture reading is what saved my life. I have a blog explaining some of the most difficult moments I went through when this season of my life was very much in full force. Things now in my life are much more calm and I (thank goodness) have not had any anxiety, depression or panic attacks any longer. My prayer is that you receive the same healing I did… feel free to jump to my blog and I hope it helps you a little http://www.daringdebs.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this comment. Sorry for the late reply. One of my good friends who struggled also found peace through God and scripture. I will also have to make sure to share your blog with her !! I am so glad you are doing better now !

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  2. I know what you mean. You described it well. Anxious thoughts, negative thoughts, that critical inner voice. I work hard to keep those kinda of thoughts away. It takes me conscientious work and time. You gotta keep plugging away at it, and I think it gets better in time. I think you can control your reaction to the thoughts, although they may arrive unwelcome. They’re lies masking as truth or fact and they’re darkly sinister in their intent, but you can still resist them. At least that’s my experience. It can make me annoyed too. Like, why can’t they just stop. My therapist once described it like a repeated pounding…at which I expressed strong questioning for them to leave me alone. Anyways, I hope you are making progress, take care!

    Liked by 1 person

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