Sometimes I think I’m well – finally. That I don’t need to pay attention to my mental health as I used to. I would become so frustrated that there’s something so wrong with me – that I have to be a person that has to pay such close attention to things like that. Why can’t I be the person that doesn’t have to think about my mental health? Why do I need to take breaks from people? Why do I have to take it easy? It’s so easy to feel like I’m the only one in the world who struggles with this – when, obviously, I’m not.
I’m not the only one that wishes that anxiety and depression didn’t consume them.
I’m not the only one that wishes that I could just be okay without having to work on it.
I’m not the only one that takes medication to manage my mental health.
I’m not the only one who struggles with personal relationships due to mental health.
You get the picture. You are not alone in this. I’m not alone in this. Our personal experiences and stories will all be different, but we all wish it weren’t us at one time or another.
Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m okay. That I’m not one of the ones that struggle. That I can be okay without having to pay attention to my feelings every minute. I stop keeping track. I stop working on my routines. I stop being aware of how I am feeling. I just stop thinking about it. I call it denial. I like pretending that I’m finally and perfectly well.
This never works out for me in the end. I have never been fully well. Anxiety and depression always seem to come back. When I don’t pay attention to how my anxiety and depression affect my life, they come in full force. It’s as if they feel neglected then decide to do a hostile take over until I pay attention to them again.
I can then become all consumed by anxiety and depression. I feel bad about myself. I pity myself. I define myself as anxiety and depression and have a hard time seeing myself for anything else. This never really helps either. I almost found it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m always going to be anxious and depressed so what’s the point of even trying to be better?
Recently, I decided to start paying attention to my mental health, but in a balanced way. Keeping track. Finding routines. Doing what makes me happy. Being aware of my emotions. Knowing it’s okay to take a break when I need to.
This isn’t going to be perfect. I probably will still fluctuate between the two extremes while doing my best to keep in the middle. Doing my best to make myself proud. Doing my best to not let anxiety and depression take over. Doing my best to be aware of my emotions.
Objects to help in this process:
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4. URPOWER Essential Oil Diffuser, 200ml Wood Grain Aromatherapy Diffuser Ultrasonic Cool Mist Aroma Humidifier with Adjustable Mist Mode, Waterless Auto Shut-Off, 7 Color LED Lights & 4 Timer Settings