Am I too broken to love or be loved? What if all the things I hate about myself makes me unlovable? What if no one will ever choose me? What if no one will ever show up? These are the questions I ask myself time and time again. Days when something small triggers me into… Continue reading Am I Too Broken to Be Loved?
Recently, I have done a lot of “talk” about being okay being alone, which I am. I am truly okay with being single. Being single, however, is only one part of socialization and connection. I love doing things alone. I love having alone time. But I don’t love doing things alone or having alone time… Continue reading Abandonment. Loneliness. Anxiety.
I haven’t been writing because I haven’t been knowing what I’ve been feeling or experiencing. I am so used to easily defining my life by my anxiety and depression… as some of you may be as well. If something is wrong, it’s either my anxiety or depression acting up. I warn oncoming people in my… Continue reading Learning to Be Alone and Happier for It
After the breakup, one of the main things I was concerned about was how I was going to continue living my life outdoors. My ex was my adventure partner. He helped plan things. He challenged me. He took me places. Being in the outdoors became part of my identity, but without him - was I… Continue reading Reclaiming My Identity Outdoors: Breakup. Anxiety. Depression.
Yesterday was the last day of school for a few weeks. I went out with all my coworkers. They call themselves family because that is what they are to each other. They are close. They are connected. Then there’s me. Still slightly on the outside. It’s not their fault. It is really mine. I don’t… Continue reading I’m Guarded, and I Hate it
This past weekend I did a little solo adventure. It went as follows: 1. Saturday morning, woke up at 6:00am 2. Drove 3.5 miles to my hike 3. Hiked 5.5 miles 4. Went to local town - walked around and went to a brewery and ate a late lunch 5. Slept at a semi-sketchy hotel… Continue reading Solo Adventuring With Anxiety & Depression
It’s been two months. Two months since things changed. Two months since I had to reassess my life. I am doing well. Really well. I created friend groups. I have gone on adventures. I really love my job. I’m starting graduate school in a few weeks. On paper, my life is moving along. I am… Continue reading Healing is a Process
Often times, when I’m writing or talking or working or even just existing, I think to myself “who do I think I am?” Because honestly, most of the time I’m winging it. I also don’t know how to pretend and I really wish I did. I wish I could pretend to be the cool, chill… Continue reading I Guess I Should Talk About Dating
Today I’m feeling proud. It’s not necessarily a feeling I’m used to. It’s not a feeling I really allow myself to feel. Recently, my anxiety has been high. Insecurity has consumed me. I cried. I wanted to run away from everyone in my life because I thought they would be better off without me. I… Continue reading Today, I am Proud of Myself.
Anxiety and depression come with a lot of feelings that I’m not a fan of. The feeling of waiting for the fall. When things are going well, you are just waiting for something bad to happen. Because of course, things can’t be going well for you. The feeling of never being enough, but also being… Continue reading I Am More Than My Anxiety and Depression (Though I Don’t Always Feel That Way)