Tonight I went to a film festival. I expected to see a few people I knew. I had a bit of anxiety about it but was ready for it. But I end up crashing into things that I was not prepared for. My most recent ex was there on a date. This guy I went… Continue reading Combatting Feeling Unlovable While Having Anxiety & Depression
Am I too broken to love or be loved? What if all the things I hate about myself makes me unlovable? What if no one will ever choose me? What if no one will ever show up? These are the questions I ask myself time and time again. Days when something small triggers me into… Continue reading Am I Too Broken to Be Loved?
There come moments when a piece of information knocks you in your gut. It feels like a sucker punch. Information that has you question your own decisions and self-esteem. Here is the information I learned: my ex-boyfriend started dating someone the month we broke up and they dated for seven months. My stuff was barely… Continue reading Post Break-Up Sucker Punch: Overcoming the Relapse
When you break up with someone, everyone tells you how to handle losing that person. How to go on without someone who was your person for a while. Who you went to when you were in crisis. With who you knew intimately. You can read articles. You can watch movies. You can listen to the… Continue reading Losing a Friend Group, but Gaining Something New
I haven’t been writing because I haven’t been knowing what I’ve been feeling or experiencing. I am so used to easily defining my life by my anxiety and depression… as some of you may be as well. If something is wrong, it’s either my anxiety or depression acting up. I warn oncoming people in my… Continue reading Learning to Be Alone and Happier for It
After the breakup, one of the main things I was concerned about was how I was going to continue living my life outdoors. My ex was my adventure partner. He helped plan things. He challenged me. He took me places. Being in the outdoors became part of my identity, but without him - was I… Continue reading Reclaiming My Identity Outdoors: Breakup. Anxiety. Depression.
Yesterday was the last day of school for a few weeks. I went out with all my coworkers. They call themselves family because that is what they are to each other. They are close. They are connected. Then there’s me. Still slightly on the outside. It’s not their fault. It is really mine. I don’t… Continue reading I’m Guarded, and I Hate it
It’s been two months. Two months since things changed. Two months since I had to reassess my life. I am doing well. Really well. I created friend groups. I have gone on adventures. I really love my job. I’m starting graduate school in a few weeks. On paper, my life is moving along. I am… Continue reading Healing is a Process
Spring is here, which brings new beginnings and growth...right? I read quotes about how change and growth being painful, I just still wish it wasn’t so. If you couldn’t infer from my Instagram posts, I’m going through a breakup. It’s extremely emotionally painful. I’m having a hard time going through the process of grieving. The… Continue reading Spring is Here. So is Painful Change & Growth
I tried to starve you away. I didn’t eat hoping my body would start eating pieces of you from me instead. I tried to wash you away. I showered wishing the water would clean you from me. But you’re so imprinted on me that it’s going to take more than a shower to get rid… Continue reading I Tried to Wash You Away