For the past few months, my anxiety and depression have been under control. I could handle the irrational thoughts. I could tell when I needed a break. I could tell when I needed some help. I thought I was finally an expert at handling my anxiety. That it could no longer sneak one past me.… Continue reading I May Be Doing Well, But I Still Get Anxiety Attacks.
I have ventured into the outdoors throughout the past few years. I have grown accustomed to trekking on trails, climbing up cliffs, and sleeping in tents. But I wasn’t always that way. For a long time, I never thought I was good enough to spend time outdoors for numerous different reasons. Anxiety kept me from… Continue reading Experiencing the Outdoors With Anxiety and Depression
When you’re in a relationship and living with roommates, alone time can be hard to come by. But when it happens, I cherish it. For some people out there, alone time is the time when you can gain energy back. It’s when you can truly be yourself and be happy. It’s when you can relax.… Continue reading When Having Alone Time is Difficult
I have anxiety and depression, and I enjoy rock climbing. I was showing someone about a recent 3-pitch climb I did (around 350 feet), and they asked me if I was scared. I said I was terrified. Then they asked me why I did it then. It’s a fair question. Why do I do this… Continue reading Rock Climbing with Anxiety and Depression
I’ve been slacking in this whole writing thing lately. It’s probably because I have been busy, but I also believe that I was subconsciously conducting an experiment. I wanted to see if the fact that I’m writing about my struggles exacerbates my struggles or if it helps me. Inside my lovely brain, I kept going… Continue reading Being Aware of Anxiety and Depression
Sometimes I think I’m well - finally. That I don’t need to pay attention to my mental health as I used to. I would become so frustrated that there’s something so wrong with me - that I have to be a person that has to pay such close attention to things like that. Why can’t… Continue reading Pretending I’m Okay Never Works
I tried to starve you away. I didn’t eat hoping my body would start eating pieces of you from me instead. I tried to wash you away. I showered wishing the water would clean you from me. But you’re so imprinted on me that it’s going to take more than a shower to get rid… Continue reading I Tried to Wash You Away
Sometimes, well most of the time, I wish life was black and white. That you always know the right thing to do. That walking away from things would be easy. That emotions were more easily controlled. That it was easier to work through things. That past damage didn’t affect present life so much. That problems… Continue reading No Such Thing as Clean Breaks
I have struggled with jealousy of other women for a long time. It’s not something I’m proud of. I always felt that I needed to be the best, when I knew that I never could. If another woman was better at an activity, prettier, smarter - it put me down entirely - even if she… Continue reading Goodbye Jealousy. Hello Community.
Today I am not a fan of myself, dare I say, I hate myself. Self-loathing is quite an awful thing to have because you are around yourself all the time. When you don’t like other people, you can at least escape. You can choose to not be around them, but when it’s yourself that you… Continue reading What Happens When You Hate Yourself