Trusting is the Worst

I went rock climbing the other day. I was wearing the whole outfit: helmet, harness, climbing shoes. I did this climb and had a hard time using my feet. I used my knees. By the end of the climb, I was bruised, scraped, cut with blood running down my legs. On the next climb, a… Continue reading Trusting is the Worst

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Mostly, I Wish Things Were Easy

Some days I wish things were simple. I wish decisions were black and white and you always know the right one to choose. I wish that I couldn’t see the perspective of others, so I could feel okay with what I was feeling. I wish I didn’t have feelings so other’s actions wouldn’t affect me… Continue reading Mostly, I Wish Things Were Easy

I May Act Irrationally, But What I’m Feeling is Valid

When I experience a trigger, all hell breaks loose. I’m still not great at taking a step back especially when that trigger is fresh or touches the heart. When I mean that trigger is fresh or touches on my heart, is that it’s something that knocks on my core. Something that I feel as if… Continue reading I May Act Irrationally, But What I’m Feeling is Valid

Safe Guards

I long for safety and the guarantees. In relationships, there is no way to have any of these. There is always a chance of falling for someone else. For people to let go and move on. An opportunity to get hurt and break down. There is also a chance for beauty and happiness. It becomes… Continue reading Safe Guards

Trying is Exhausting

I’m not sure if people understand. For the most part, I don't know if others understand how much I’m trying. I can understand why it seems like I don’t. I fail a lot. I’m not sure if they understand what it is like when the anxiety and depression take over. How every fear or worry… Continue reading Trying is Exhausting

Cycle of the Kitchen Floor

I really try. Though it may seem like I don’t. It seems like every time I try taking a step forward, I somehow end up two steps back. Sometimes I don’t even know I’m doing it. Other times I’m too lost to realize what I’m doing. Sometimes I don’t know the difference between acting “crazy”… Continue reading Cycle of the Kitchen Floor

Holidays

Listen loved ones, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ruining holidays. I’m sorry for fighting. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry for questioning. I’m sorry for hurting you. I am, but I know you heard this before. The words dripped from my mouth. You listen each time and nod. Then you say you heard… Continue reading Holidays

I Let it Go.

A friendship is over. A friendship I cherished more than anything is over. A good friend that I had since 7th grade is no longer my friend. A friend that has helped me through my hardest times will not be there in the future. I try to say it different ways. Maybe then it will… Continue reading I Let it Go.