The thing about relationships which is usually difficult for me - is that you can’t control the other person. You can’t always know what that person is feeling. You can’t always understand why the person does what they do. You can’t always dictate how they react. And you can’t change their past. A person comes… Continue reading Love. Baggage. Relationships. Anxiety.
As you probably know, I am anxious and can have days when I’m depressed. I can be overwhelming. I care too much. I try too hard. Some days I’m a mess. All of these can have me feeling that I’m not worthy of love. That I’m not worthy of belonging. I apologize for things I… Continue reading Love and Anxiety
That’s easy - I would love and trust. My anxiety and depression hinder me from believing in myself. I am always one foot out the door, waiting for the drop that’s going to kill me. I’m waiting for people to leave, so I will never get too close. Getting hurt sucks. There is probably a… Continue reading What I Would Do If I Were Not Afraid
A few months ago I made a video for a family member for their wedding. I remember saying “but what the fuck do I know about love?” Maybe I still do not know anything. Maybe I fool myself into thinking I do. Since I was younger, I had a fantasy of love in my head.… Continue reading Love, Relationships, Anxiety, Depression
Dear Loved Ones, Trust me, I know I’m difficult. I’m hard to please. I jump to conclusions. I think I can mind read and predict the future, and it’s usually an awful future at that. I know these habits can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I see what I have to do to change, but it… Continue reading A Letter to My Loved Ones
I told someone recently that I think that I am unlovable. When I told them this, they laughed. I don’t blame them. How can one fathom feeling that awful about one’s self to believe this? How can you explain this to someone who never felt this way? How every hint from a past life makes… Continue reading When You Can’t Seem to Love Yourself
Maybe that’s why I like the ones The ones who are up to no good The ones that are a little broken The non-committal ones The ones you can never read The ones you need to fix But you know will never change How much has shame and guilt devoured me To make me feel… Continue reading The Ones