I Tried to Wash You Away

I tried to starve you away. I didn’t eat hoping my body would start eating pieces of you from me instead. I tried to wash you away. I showered wishing the water would clean you from me. But you’re so imprinted on me that it’s going to take more than a shower to get rid… Continue reading I Tried to Wash You Away

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Things I Cannot Control

Today I wake up and move forward. I talk to my therapist about things I can’t control.  I talk to her about what I can control.  It gave me an excuse to get out bed. So I will continue in this stride, with putting one foot in front of the other. Concentrating on everything that… Continue reading Things I Cannot Control

Losing Grip- A Poem

Sometimes I feel like the world is slipping through my hands. As soon as I get a grip on something meaningful I see it falling. As soon as I feel like I figured something out Something changes and I’m left confused. As soon as I’m happy, I feel life closing in. I expect the worst,… Continue reading Losing Grip- A Poem

But I’m Like the Snow

Sometimes I wish I was like a waterfall. Where I could just go with flow over the edge. Fall into the unknown with grace and fury. Instead I fight every moment. Trying to control the movement of my life. You see, I fight a lot. With my mind mostly. I fight the thoughts. The worst… Continue reading But I’m Like the Snow

I Wish I Could Be Everything.

Sometimes I wish I could be everything Because then I would never be nothing. Then I could never have competition. I could be everything you needed me to be. And more. I would never have to wonder about others Because they wouldn’t be better than me. If I was everything, then I could be happy.… Continue reading I Wish I Could Be Everything.

Should Be There

I'm here. But I should be there I should have gotten better sooner  I should have figured it out sooner  I should have been present  I should have been there  Instead I'm filled with regret  With the coulds and the shoulds The what I would be doing now  It shouldn't have taken that shock  I shouldn't… Continue reading Should Be There

How Do I Know My Worth?

Tell me, how do I define my worth? Is it how many likes I get on social media? Or how much money I earn? Maybe it’s how special my job is? Perhaps it’s my education Well I don’t get many likes Or make any money – let alone have a job I never went to… Continue reading How Do I Know My Worth?

Late Night Thoughts

When it's 3am and I can't sleep My thoughts roam to the demons that rule this hour  I avoid looking in mirrors I don't dare make too much  At 4am the real demons come  The ones that make sleeping impossible Am I doing enough ?  Am I enough ?  Is this the right path ? … Continue reading Late Night Thoughts

Don’t See Me for the Moments

Do me a favor, please. I need you to see me for who I am striving to be. Don’t see me for the moments when I break. The moments when I fall apart. The moments when I succumb to insecurities. The moments when anxiety takes over. The moments when I want to disappear. See me… Continue reading Don’t See Me for the Moments

The One’s I’ll Never Be

I’ll never be the one with the most chill photos Or the one who always looks nonchalant I will never be carefree I will never be the one with nothing on my mind Or the one who is climbing the highest mountains Or walking the longest trails I will never be that artistic Or the… Continue reading The One’s I’ll Never Be