I Tried to Wash You Away

I tried to starve you away. I didn’t eat hoping my body would start eating pieces of you from me instead. I tried to wash you away. I showered wishing the water would clean you from me. But you’re so imprinted on me that it’s going to take more than a shower to get rid… Continue reading I Tried to Wash You Away

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Things I Cannot Control

Today I wake up and move forward. I talk to my therapist about things I can’t control.  I talk to her about what I can control.  It gave me an excuse to get out bed. So I will continue in this stride, with putting one foot in front of the other. Concentrating on everything that… Continue reading Things I Cannot Control

Love. Baggage. Relationships. Anxiety.

The thing about relationships which is usually difficult for me - is that you can’t control the other person. You can’t always know what that person is feeling. You can’t always understand why the person does what they do. You can’t always dictate how they react. And you can’t change their past. A person comes… Continue reading Love. Baggage. Relationships. Anxiety.

Love and Anxiety

As you probably know, I am anxious and can have days when I’m depressed. I can be overwhelming. I care too much. I try too hard. Some days I’m a mess. All of these can have me feeling that I’m not worthy of love. That I’m not worthy of belonging. I apologize for things I… Continue reading Love and Anxiety

Letting Anxiety Control Your Present in Relationships

anxiety control present relationships

Everyone has a past. It is just a fact. People will have lives before and after you. Their past brought them to you. When you care about someone, it’s important to appreciate that fact and understand it. When you have anxiety, understanding the past and not overthinking it, can be extremely difficult. You start to… Continue reading Letting Anxiety Control Your Present in Relationships

I Wish I Could Be Everything.

Sometimes I wish I could be everything Because then I would never be nothing. Then I could never have competition. I could be everything you needed me to be. And more. I would never have to wonder about others Because they wouldn’t be better than me. If I was everything, then I could be happy.… Continue reading I Wish I Could Be Everything.

Let’s Take a Look at My Anxiety Triggers

anxiety triggers mental health

One of my biggest triggers with my anxiety and depression is becoming overwhelmed or being reminded of everything that I am not. Both of these are pretty common in my life. Being aware of these triggers in only the first step and they can easily influence each other. Everything I Am Not: Past Relationship I… Continue reading Let’s Take a Look at My Anxiety Triggers

Should Be There

I'm here. But I should be there I should have gotten better sooner  I should have figured it out sooner  I should have been present  I should have been there  Instead I'm filled with regret  With the coulds and the shoulds The what I would be doing now  It shouldn't have taken that shock  I shouldn't… Continue reading Should Be There

I’m Your Crux. Anxiety & Depression are Mine.

In rock climbing, you can encounter cruxes on climbs. According to REI, a crux is The toughest move or sequence of moves on a climb. It’s when you get to the point of the climb that you don’t always know if you are going to make it over. It’s the point where you have to… Continue reading I’m Your Crux. Anxiety & Depression are Mine.

Late Night Thoughts

When it's 3am and I can't sleep My thoughts roam to the demons that rule this hour  I avoid looking in mirrors I don't dare make too much  At 4am the real demons come  The ones that make sleeping impossible Am I doing enough ?  Am I enough ?  Is this the right path ? … Continue reading Late Night Thoughts