What I Would Do If I Were Not Afraid

That’s easy - I would love and trust. My anxiety and depression hinder me from believing in myself. I am always one foot out the door, waiting for the drop that’s going to kill me. I’m waiting for people to leave, so I will never get too close. Getting hurt sucks. There is probably a… Continue reading What I Would Do If I Were Not Afraid

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Learning to Trust My Own Ability

I use to love swimming. I spent most of summer days swimming in my parent's pool. I could stay in there forever. Jumping in lakes was always a different story. I had a hard time being able to. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was anxiety. I always loved the concept of lakes. I find… Continue reading Learning to Trust My Own Ability

Decisions When You Can’t Hear Your Own Voice

How do you know what the right decision is? How do you know what option is best? I have all these voices in my head telling me one thing or the other. Telling me what would be best for me or what would make my life a complete mess. Sometimes I can almost hear my… Continue reading Decisions When You Can’t Hear Your Own Voice

I Trust I am Worthy and Enough

I trust that you will never intentionally hurt me. I trust that you will always have good intentions. I trust that I am worthy of you and you are worthy of me. I trust that even when I fall apart, you will still stay by my side. I trust that I will always be in… Continue reading I Trust I am Worthy and Enough

Trusting is the Worst

I went rock climbing the other day. I was wearing the whole outfit: helmet, harness, climbing shoes. I did this climb and had a hard time using my feet. I used my knees. By the end of the climb, I was bruised, scraped, cut with blood running down my legs. On the next climb, a… Continue reading Trusting is the Worst

I’m a Burden, Unlovable, Obnoxious…So What’s the Point?

Here’s the thing, my mind won’t stop. You may think you know what I mean, but I’m really not sure that you do. I know that my anxiety brain takes over a lot. All these negative thoughts come swarming in. I try to do the work so that it won’t happen or I can move… Continue reading I’m a Burden, Unlovable, Obnoxious…So What’s the Point?

Safe Guards

I long for safety and the guarantees. In relationships, there is no way to have any of these. There is always a chance of falling for someone else. For people to let go and move on. An opportunity to get hurt and break down. There is also a chance for beauty and happiness. It becomes… Continue reading Safe Guards

A Letter to My Loved Ones

Dear Loved Ones, Trust me, I know I’m difficult. I’m hard to please. I jump to conclusions. I think I can mind read and predict the future, and it’s usually an awful future at that. I know these habits can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I see what I have to do to change, but it… Continue reading A Letter to My Loved Ones

Relationships

I started dating someone new about four months ago. Yes, I met him online. He's great. The relationship is moving along. I met his family and friends. He met my family and friends. I'm comfortable. I like him a lot. I am also one foot out the door. Constantly. Last year, around this time, I… Continue reading Relationships